Miscarriage: One Week Later

Our new double stroller came today.

It is one of those fancy ones, one that is way over-priced, one that was such a good deal Tanna said I could order it last week.

That was two days before we knew. Two days before we found out our baby's heartbeat had stopped. Two days before my D&C.

It is here, still in the box (of course), and sitting by the door so Tanna can return it to Costco ASAP.

I am supposed to be excited about that stroller. I am supposed to be 11 weeks pregnant.

11 weeks and five days, to be exact. Or, if you want to go by my second pregnancy (which also ended early) ... then I am supposed to be 33 weeks, six days.

Anyone who has ever had a miscarriage knows how important those days are. Each and every one of them.

After my last BFP--which came less than five months after my first miscarriage--I practically could not wait for midnight to pass so I could add another day that I'd made it. Another day in pregnancy. Another day closer to the "safe" second trimester. Another day with no spotting.

In all of the 10 weeks and five days of this pregnancy, I never saw the slightest tinge of pink. Even though, in the beginning, I was a bit nervous every time I went to the bathroom--something you grow accustomed to when you are pregnant again after a loss. I almost expected some spotting. But nothing.

I had some cramping early on, which was concerning, to say the least. But a very strong heartbeat--seen April 28 via ultrasound at seven weeks, two days--gave us confidence that this pregnancy would stick. As my MD said last week, "When you see that heartbeat, you kind of let your guard down a little bit."

Never again.

It has been a rough week, but we got through it.

Last Friday, I went in for a doctor's appointment and ultrasound to check a cyst on my left ovary. The doctor came in, apologized for my wait, and we chatted a bit about prenatal vitamins and how the pregnancy was progressing.

After the nurse came in, we started the ultrasound.

I will never forget the few seconds of silence and then, "Karen, I don't see a heartbeat."

I had been staring at the patient screen, hoping the doctor was looking at my ovary and not our baby, which showed no activity.

I was wrong, though, and I knew it.

"I don't either."

The nurse was so sweet. She immediately handed me some tissues and offered condolences. My doctor was very understanding and sympathetic as well.

A few hours later, I saw him again at the hospital as I was being prepped for the D&C. The procedure was quick, and I was glad to get it over with. I am a big fan of anesthesia, and I highly recommend it.

I cried when they wheeled me away to the OR--not really because I was scared (or maybe I was), but more so because Tanna couldn't come with me.

I remember thinking, "How on earth do fat people fit on these operating tables?" (Those things are SKINNY!) Seriously.

The nurses and hospital staff were great. One nurse said I looked like Jennifer Garner. This is after she said I reminded her of someone and I (jokingly) said, "A celebrity?" (I think in her sympathy for me, she probably thought of any celeb she could that had brown hair about like mine. hahaha) I remember trying to be funny a couple of other times ... perhaps so I wouldn't break down in front of everyone.

I was so worried about being cold. (You know how I am--I am cold when it is 71 degrees.) I had brought my own socks, but they give you some thick slipper-type socks to wear. I had Tanna grab me some extra warmed blankets in the prep area. The nurses also offered me plenty of blankets, and I was thankful.

In the OR, they had me stretch my arms out to the side on these tables they pulled up next to the skinny table I was on. The next day, I remember my arms and shoulders being so sore, and Tanna said it was probably because they had been stretched out during the procedure.

I am glad I had a D&C and didn't take the drugs my doctor offered to help induce a "natural" miscarriage. He said going the natural route would probably be painful, and he recommended the D&C because of how far along I was and to avoid the pain. Truthfully, I was glad to get it over with. I did not want to be waiting around to have a miscarriage. I have heard of women who have done so and then later had complications, only to have to have a D&C later. It is a personal decision, but the D&C was the best one for me.

On Saturday, I bagged up most of my maternity clothes. I just couldn't stand looking at them in the closet anymore. They have been sitting in there, just taking up space, for almost two years now. We don't have a lot of storage space, and I needed them out of here. (I did keep a few things that were special to me, though.)

On Monday, I dropped off the clothes at Goodwill and also returned some of the cutest layette things I'd bought at Janie & Jack. I did the same thing yesterday at Gymboree. Fortunately for me, no one asked the reason for my returns. I had tried to resist buying anything for this baby out of fear this would happen, but ... well ... I let my guard down. I also told myself that I could always give these clothes as baby gifts (they sure were cute, after all)--but I just didn't want to do that. So I returned. And now we have this cool double stroller to return, too.

As I said, it has been a rough week--and we have lost a lot--but I am thankful because:

• I have a God in heaven who loves me, loves my family, loves the two babies we have lost and the one here with us on earth.
  
• I have an amazing husband who has taken good care of us this week--despite having to work Memorial Day weekend and despite grieving this loss himself. (Don't forget the fathers who mourn the losses of their miscarried babies.)
• I have a beautiful little girl who is the light of our lives.
  
• I have wonderful family and friends. We are so thankful for all of the prayers, cards, notes, flowers and other gifts that have been sent to show that you care and are thinking of us. You don't know how much you all mean to us, and we are so grateful.
• I switched OB practices early on in this pregnancy. I now see a great doctor who does his own ultrasounds. I cannot imagine going through this at my old practice. I cannot imagine--as I have read about several times--an ultrasound tech discovering no heartbeat and then waiting for a doctor to come in and confirm. I am thankful for this new practice for many reasons--including free parking--but the ultrasound thing is a big one right now.
• I made it through this week, and I am glad it is over. Though I will never forget.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
--Psalm 34:18

'It's OK.'

Kate just handed me a broken crayon and said, "It's OK."

Nanny's Obituary

Mildred 'Millie' Della Pratt Pierce -- ASHEVILLE, N.C.

Mildred “Millie” Della Pratt Pierce, 89, of Asheville, N.C., died Wednesday, May 20, 2009, after a lengthy illness.

Mrs. Pierce was born Sept. 2, 1919, in Orono, Maine, and was a daughter of the late Charles and Doris Wing Pratt. She was married to the late Francis Leslie Pierce and was also preceded in death by one sister, Louise Skidmore; and five brothers, Lewis Pratt, Charles Pratt, Robert Pratt, Paul Pratt and William Pratt.

During her career, Mrs. Pierce worked as a nurse and later served as vice president of Pierce Marine Service, Inc., in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, and owned and operated Pierce’s Cozy Cove Cottages of Five Islands, Maine, with her husband. While in Asheville, she volunteered at Mission Hospital and was a member of Hawthorne Village Welcoming Committee, Etheredge Women’s Club and Oakley United Methodist Church.

Mrs. Pierce is survived by two daughters, Elizabeth McCray and Marjorie Langerman; three sons, Norman Pierce, Robert Pierce and David Pierce; two sisters, Dorothy Tavernier and Barbara Pinkham; 13 grandchildren, Tom Pierce, Tim Pierce, Betsy Mankins, David McCray, Cindy Platillero, Jennifer Skaggs, Karen Lim, Johnny Pierce, Adam Langerman, Kali Langerman, Matt Pierce, Ben Pierce and Heather Pierce; 17 great-grandchildren; and several cousins, nieces and nephews.

A service will be held at 10 a.m. Friday, June 5, at the Maine Veterans’ Memorial Cemetery in Augusta, Maine, with the Rev. Elizabeth Bachelder Smith officiating.

Pallbearers will be Norman Pierce, Robert Pierce, David Pierce, Michael McCray, Fred Langerman and David Hasenfus.

Groce Funeral Home, Asheville, N.C., is assisting with arrangements.

The on-line register is available at www.grocefuneralhome.com.

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This ran in today's Johnson City Press.

In Loving Memory ...

My Grandmother, Nanny, 1919-2009


With my brother, Johnny, 2004


At our wedding reception, 2004

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Baby Lim No. 3, March 2009-May 2009

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Baby Lim No. 2, October 2008-November 2008

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The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. --Job 1:21

Kate's First Braves Game

Earlier this month, when her cousins were visiting from California, Kate attended her first Braves game. What fun we had watching the Braves play the Astros ... for a little while, at least. LOL! It was a neat experience, but perhaps not the most ideal setting for a toddler who wants to go, go, go. (You can imagine.) Kate did OK for a time. She loved climbing up and down the stadium steps and clapping every time the crowd cheered. (She LOVES to clap these days!) She also had fun at the Turner Field children's area, although it seems designed more for older kids.

After a while, even cousins Kylie and Eric were ready for a change of scenery, so Darlene and I took the kids to the zoo while the rest of the family stayed for the remaining innings. It worked out really well, too! We had just renewed our season pass to Zoo Atlanta--and, as you may know, it's just a hop, skip and a jump from the stadium.

When the game was over, we all met at a favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner--during which was a torrential downpour. We came home, put Kate to bed, and both Tanna and I passed out in the living room. LOL! We had been going nonstop since getting ready for church that morning. What a very full and very fun day!

Go Braves!


Walking into the stadium with Ah-Pah and Halmoni


Group photo before the game


Statue of Liberty


Cousins


Doesn't Kate look so cute in her Braves cheerleader outfit? It was a hand-me-down from Abigail and worked perfectly for game day! (THANK YOU!) It even matched a shirt and pair of shoes Kate already had.


Rooting for the home team! (Too bad they lost. Maybe next time!)


Mike, Darlene, Kylie and Eric


Halmoni and Halabaji trying to keep the sun at bay


Having a blast!


Clapping away ...


Bright future ...


Goofing around with Kylie and Eric


Hey! We're not at the game anymore!


Petting-zoo fun!


What a great time!

Scrapbooking Giveaway!

May's Scrapbooking Giveaway (toddler toes not included)

Remember the fun blog Roof with a View? Well, this month's giveaway over there is a big ol' lot of scrapbooking loot--and it's sponsored by yours truly. You can't win if you don't enter, so check it out now! Happy National Scrapbooking Month--and good luck!

Our Five-Year Anniversary

OK, so I started this post last Friday, but I got really busy preparing to go out of town for the weekend. So now I am just getting around to finishing it.

We had a great anniversary. We only got into one argument on our date! LOL! (Just keeping it real, folks!) We don't really fight that much--and it's usually over quickly when we do ... and then we can laugh about it. And I am thankful for that. I love my DH!


Quick family pic before we headed out for dinner


Laura--a former colleague of mine--came over to babysit Kate. Laura is great with kids!


We went to dinner at Chops.


It was de-lish!


Dessert time!


Dessert isn't dessert unless there is chocolate involved!

Happy Anniversary to us! Here's to the next five years!

A Trip Down Anniversary Lane ...

Anniversary No. 1



For our first anniversary, we spent the weekend at a FamilyLife marriage conference. The conference was a wedding gift from Cindy and Joe, and we enjoyed it! (Thanks again!) We decided to attend the conference in Atlanta so we wouldn't have to travel (seems like we'd been traveling a lot)--and it just so happened to fall on our anniversary weekend! We stayed in a hotel (the DoubleTree, I think--is that the one that gives you chocolate-chip cookies?) in the Perimeter area, but not the conference hotel. It was a nice weekend away ... but not too far away.



On Saturday night (our actual anniversary) we went out to eat. We also opened the bottle of wine that we'd been saving since our wedding night. We didn't save any wedding cake, but we kept the bottle of wine that was in the car that took us from the church to the reception.



We went out to dinner at Ruth's Chris. Yum!



I was just getting into scrapbooking around this time, and I had made Tanna a little scrapbook about us! To commemorate our anniversary, I also made a donation to the ministry that organizes the youth conference where we met back in 1989.

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Anniversary No. 2



We also stayed in Atlanta for our second anniversary. This time, we stayed downtown at the Westin. Check out the Westin's reflection in the photo above. Tanna actually attended a medical conference this weekend, so I enjoyed some alone time in the hotel while he was in meetings. It was nice to get away in our hometown again.



Tanna had some meetings at the new Georgia Aquarium, so I joined him over there on Saturday afternoon. That was the first time we'd been.



Oh yeah, I guess this was on Friday night--we ate at the Sun Dial, the revolving restaurant at the top of the hotel. Tanna had taken me there for my 29th birthday, and here I think we are re-creating a photo from that night.



What do I remember about that meal? I was FREEZING. I mean, it was BAD, people! And I had on long sleeves and pants. (It was colder than usual that weekend, as I do recall.) I remember seeing some scantily clad women there, and I had no idea how they could stand it. I was going to go down to our room to get my coat, but we decided against it. There was a lot going on in the hotel that night, and the elevators were taking forever. So dinner would have been halfway over (at least) by the time I got to our room and back with a jacket. Anyway, we spoke to someone about the temperature, but there really wasn't anything they could do. (?) They did bring me a tablecloth to wrap up in. No, I am not kidding. See? I was still very, very cold.



On Sunday, our actual anniversary, we checked out of the hotel, came home, and then went out to dinner at McKinnon's. Here's a pic of that.

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Anniversary No. 3

Our third anniversary was a little different. Tanna had to work a weird shift that day and wouldn't be getting home until late that night. His good friend Mike was in town from Colorado, too, and Mike was staying with us that night before flying out the next morning.



Before Tanna had to go into work, the three of us went to an early lunch at a sushi buffet place. Here are Mike and Tanna after lunch. After lunch, Tanna went to work, and Mike went to visit some more friends in the area. That night, though, Mike took me out to eat at The Capital Grille--and then to The Cheesecake Factory for dessert. Can you believe I don't have a single photo from that night? Mike and I joked because I told him he was going above and beyond his duties as Tanna's best man. The new standard is ... If the groom is unable to take the bride out on their anniversary, then it becomes the best man's duty. hahaha!



Tanna was off the next day, so that's when we celebrated. We started with lunch at the OK Cafe--yum! (Yes, as you can see, I was large and in charge!) I suppose I was almost seven months pregnant.



After lunch, we went to the Atlanta History Center.



And for dinner ... it was Hal's.



I did buy Tanna a bottle of wine--Mike helped me pick it out. I am pretty sure he liked it!

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Anniversary No. 4

Click here to read about last year's big date! ;o)

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Anniversary No. 5 ... COMING SOON!

The custest little pancakes west of the Mississippi

Check out these cute little pancakes! They were so adorable, I almost didn't want to eat them. But I did. And they were deeee-lish!



Last week, while we were in San Francisco, we ate at this restaurant called Sears Fine Food. It's just a few steps away from Union Square. Tanna wanted us to meet him there for a late breakfast in between his meetings. And so we did.



I wasn't sure what to expect. Tanna said the place was known for a good breakfast. Now, I am not a big breakfast person, but I do love me a nice pancake. So that's what I ordered. The "18 Swedish Pancakes." I didn't know what I was going to do with EIGHTEEN pancakes, but I thought I'd give them a try. (Tanna got some sort of omelet, which he thoroughly enjoyed.)



I had no idea that this place was known for its pancakes--yes, "Sears' World Famous 18 Swedish Pancakes," served with warm maple syrup and country fresh whipped butter. (I just ate mine plain, of course.) These babies are served at all hours, and I can see why. First of all, they are so cute! I didn't realize they'd be so little. They are bite-site--small enough to eat in one bite if you need to (like, if you are tending to a toddler at the table), and large enough to cut up if you need to. They are quite yummy--you should try them if are ever in the area. I got mine with a side of bacon (for Kate--she loves bacon and most meat).



They were so good, in fact, that I went back a couple of days later when it was just Kate and me. I was a little nervous to eat with Kate by myself in such a busy restaurant on a Saturday morning, but she did pretty well! She loved her bacon, and I loved my pancakes!

Bless this little girl

Aunt Robin bought this cross for Kate before she was born. It hangs in her room; you see it right when you walk in. It is on the same wall as the light switch--just above it. For months now, when I carry Kate into her room and she pushes the light button (she has a ceiling-fan light), she likes to lightly tap the cross. I think she likes the sound it makes when it swishes against the wall.

I hope she realizes what a gift the Cross is. Always.

Flat Stanley

Flat Stanley attends a Braves game

As you may know, Flat Stanley has been visiting us here in Atlanta for the past month or so. He came to us from a first-grade class in Lynchburg, Virginia. My friend Jennifer's son's class, in fact. (Jennifer and I used to work together at an ad agency in Tennessee.)

Anyway, if you aren't familiar with Flat Stanley, then you should read up on his background. He is quite famous!

We have been taking Flat Stanley around the metro area, trying to show him a good time. We even took him on our trip to California. I started a blog to document his adventures with us. I still have a few more posts to write, but you can check it out at flatstanleyinatlanta.blogspot.com.

We've had a great time with Flat Stanley, and we'll miss him!