Our Adoption Story and Timeline, Part 1

I have been working on this for a while, and I figured it was time to get it posted. Here is part of our adoption story/timeline. I have been interested in adoption since I was young. I thought it was such a neat way to build a family, and I knew that adoption was something that I might like to pursue one day. And while we did experience two pregnancy losses, Tanna and I already had discussed it and knew we wanted to adopt--and in fact had started the process prior to the miscarriages. In 2008, we were placed on the waiting list to proceed with adopting from South Korea in 2009. (Our agency has a quota each year for its Korea program, so there is a waiting list to even get the process started.)

In early 2009, our social worker contacted us and said we had "made the cut," so to speak, for going forward. But at that time, we were trying to conceive another biological child. Plus, we weren't sure about our living arrangements--whether we'd move soon, etc.--and the financial aspect was also a factor (especially due to the state of the economy at the time). We were encouraged to consider moving forward. I had asked about going ahead and being placed on the waiting list for 2010--which was an option--but our social worker did say there already were names on the list and there was no guarantee of "getting in" for 2010 the quota. But we had a spot for 2009 if we wanted it. I told her we'd discuss it, think about it, pray about it, etc.

And so we did. I told Tanna about the phone call, and then I decided just to be still and wait. Tanna and I had been talking about adoption (obviously, since we'd already completed the preliminary application in order to be placed on the waiting list in 2008). But I didn't want to push the topic because we'd already discussed the reasons why we might wait (housing, economy, biological child, etc.). Outwardly, I was OK with going forward or waiting--but deep in my heart I really wanted to move forward because--let's face it--I wasn't getting any younger, and I was OK with not having another pregnancy. So I prayed about it and remained quiet on the subject. I wanted Tanna to bring it up without any prodding or suggesting from me. It's kind of interesting because during this time, adoption seemed to be a topic on several television shows we happened to be watching--ER, the Duggars show (they visited an orphanage), and some others that I can't think of right now. I just thought that was interesting, although Tanna probably didn't even notice. LOL!

OK, so fast forward a few weeks. This would have been early March 2009. We were sitting in the living room one evening and out of nowhere, Tanna says, "So are we going to adopt a kid or what?" And yes, that's how he said it. You have to know my husband to know that this sounds exactly like something he would say. LOL! Don't get me wrong--we had had serious discussions about it already, so it's not something taken lightly. (Believe me, in Korean culture, adoption is not something that is embraced, so we took that into consideration as well.) But he is funny--and such a guy--in how he words things sometimes. Anyway, needless to say, soon afterward I contacted our social worker and we got the ball rolling with our formal application.

And then I found out I was pregnant.

If you are pregnant and in the process of adopting, (at least with many programs), then your case is put on hold until a certain time after the pregnancy. Well, I had started completing the formal application, but I hadn't turned it in yet. While I didn't want to be deceptive, I also didn't want to say anything about the pregnancy too soon because I was afraid of another miscarriage. We had not signed a full-disclosure agreement at that time. (If you adopt, you may have to sign an agreement that states you will inform your agency of pregnancy or other big events or situations.) So I remained quiet.

A few weeks went by, and the pregnancy progressed. I did not work on the formal application for a while. I had a doctor's appointment and saw the baby's heartbeat. We were excited, but cautiously so. After all, it had only been a handful of months since our first miscarriage, which was in late 2008.

Then one day I got an e-mail from our social worker saying that it'd been a while and she hadn't heard back from us regarding our formal application (not to mention the initial deposit). She gave us a deadline in which to contact her; otherwise, she would have to give our spot to another family on the list. I felt so bad--I didn't want to hold up another family who was waiting to proceed. Anyway, I e-mailed her back, apologized and told her our happy news--we hadn't even told our families yet. We did soon afterward--and then we had the miscarriage.

Ugh. I was so sad. And mad. In a matter of weeks: We had been moving forward with adoption. Then the pregnancy. Happiness! Then the fear of miscarriage. Do we tell? Do we not tell? Then we told. We lost our spot in the adoption process. Then the miscarriage. So now ... we not only weren't going to have another biological child (after the second miscarriage, I didn't think I could go through it again)--but now we also were back to waiting to even get started with the adoption process again. And the 2010 waiting list was apparently a long one--so there was no guarantee we'd even be able to start the process the next year!

So. Frustrating. I am not sure what God was trying to teach us during this time, but I wasn't a happy camper.

In late-late May/early June, Kate and I went to the beach with some of my family. (Tanna couldn't take off of work.) It was a nice break for us. While we were there, I received a completely random and unexpected call from our social worker. She told me that a family had dropped out of the program--which she said was rare--and that there was a spot available for us, if we were interested and ready to proceed.

And we were!